The Air Jordan XV and Getting Cock Blocked by "Hollow Man"

     
It was late in the summer of 2000. I was 15 years old and had just finished recovering from a broken jaw that I suffered while playing in a flag football tournament on the last day of my freshman year of high school. I had my jaw wired shut for the first six or seven weeks of the summer. So instead of spending my time hanging out and trying to get girls to make out and touch my junk like every other 15 year old boy ever, I was spending the summer drinking soup and protein shakes through a straw and searching Napster for music.

When the time came to take the wires off my jaw, I was determined to make the most of the couple weeks of summer I had left before having to report to Hell Week for football. I was gonna do my best to get some kind of action. I was going to need to look fresh, so I started by assembling an outfit. My Dad had a bunch of connects at Footlocker from having been a longtime manager when I was younger, so I copped the new Jordans at that time, which were the Obsidian XVs.

People hate this shoe. A lot of people think the collar area of this shoe looks like a vagina, and I kinda agree. However, when I bought these I wasn't well versed in vagina so I didn't notice. I liked the shoe because the colors matched my school's colors and I loved the woven upper. These shoes sat on shelves, so it isn't like I actually needed my Dad's Footlocker hookup, but the employee discount is always nice.

Now it was time to get a date. I asked out this really cute girl who I had been flirting with over AIM while I was on broken jaw lockdown. I was gonna take her to Johnny Rocket's and a movie. I was brimming with confidence. I paired the kicks with some grey Mecca jeans and this button up shirt that had some kind of graphic design on it. Shit was fresh back in 2000.

We met in Old Town Pasadena and she was looking good. I was ready and I could tell she was feeling my outfit and overall presentation. I was pretty sure the night would play out really well for me. We got some Johnny Rockets. Two cheeseburgers, no onions...NICE. When a girl orders no onions on a date, you know what's up.

We agreed to go see "Hollow Man" with Kevin Bacon and Elisabeth Shue. This movie was basically a new spin on "The Invisible Man". I was expecting a typical summer blockbuster with some action and maybe some scary parts that would have my date looking for manly comfort. This was NOT THE CASE.

"Hollow Man" is this movie where Kevin Bacon is a scientist who turns himself invisible and uses his new powers to be creepy and go around raping people. Shockingly, watching a movie where invisible Kevin Bacon goes around raping people does not make chicks want to make out. This shitty movie ruined a golden opportunity for me to get a handjob or something on that level. Instead I went home with nothing but that debilitating teenage horniness that makes teenage boys do crazy shit. I still got them J's tho!

So now whenever I think about the Jordan XV, I also think of "Hollow Man" and the handjob that got away.